27 January 2011 1 Comment

Responsible Parenting

by Kay Ellen
I’m 55. One of the most difficult and best decisions I made as a responsible, loving parent was to have an abortion. My husband and I knew we could not support another child and that the responsible choice for our whole family was give our kids everything we could. With both of us working to make ends meet for many years it was a tough time.

We love our kids, they are all grown now and we are proud of them. I’m sorry I had to make that choice, it was a very difficult decision, but I know now, more than ever, that it was the right thing for our entire family.

You are loved and have made responsible decisions. In a flawed world you made the best choices under your personal circumstances. Don’t let the media tell you what is ‘right and wrong’. You are the media, we are the media, calling out to keep choices open for every man, women and family.

27 January 2011 0 Comments

Awesome.

by Becci
You are very brave! Thank you for sharing your stories. :)

27 January 2011 0 Comments

you helped me :)

by nikki
I was so happy when I saw this episode on MTV. It made me so mad that MTV only talked about keeping the baby or putting it up for adoption. Abortion is a hard thing to go through and it’s a lonely feeling. Yet, this episode made me feel a lot better about my choice. I would love to see more girls and their stories with abortion. It’s something that needs to start being talked about more! Thank you girls for sharing, it takes a lot of courage to do so.

27 January 2011 0 Comments

So very brave!

by Angie
First off, thank you MTV for showing the other side of teen pregnancy. I think it is so very important to show all the choices women face.

To Markai, Natalia and Katie. You are all so very courageous to come on national TV and tell your story. I was 19 when I made the decision and I knew that if I had to live with roommates to be on my own, I sure as heck couldn’t raise a child effectively. I did have the support of my family and was able to turn to them in my time of need, but I rarely tell anyone else about the decision I made all these years ago. My biggest reason for having an abortion was that I didn’t want to end up on Oprah in 20 or 30 years asking if my child forgave me and had a good life. I couldn’t be stuck wondering what happened to them. I did have complications after the procedure and with all the cramping and pain I was having, the clinic thought I might need an additional D&C. Eventually everything turned out ok and I recovered. I was awake for mine and the only thing they gave me was numbing medicine and laughing gas. By the time it was all over I was laughing because I couldn’t get my pants on and crying because I was alone. It is ok to grieve, cry, and be sad. But don’t hold it in to the point that it is harming your mental well being. After 10 years I am ok with my decision and maybe I will have kids one day, but right now I know that it was the right thing to do.

Keep your head up.

27 January 2011 0 Comments

I’ve Been There, Too

by Jess
I had an abortion at age twenty because I didn’t want to have a baby I couldn’t take care of, financially or emotionally. I was physically and mentally fragile and very, very ill, so there was no way I could’ve continued my pregnancy.

I’m very proud of all of you for being so responsible and thoughtful and I want you to know that there are millions of women just like you who have struggled with these issues. You are not alone and you are loved.

27 January 2011 0 Comments

Toughest decision ever! Pregnant at 15

by dancer4life
Every women who has had an abortion, or knows of someone having an abortion, are truly the heroes of our time. They have been through a lot emotionally (and most likely physically) to make the right decision for their unborn child, and for themselves. My story is I was dating a guy that I didn’t know very well for about 2 months, and then I found out that I was pregnant. I was 15 at the time, and had 5 other brothers and sisters. There was no way that I could have a baby at such a young age or to bring it into my already crazy life. I knew that I couldn’t keep it, and adoption would be too painful for me. The only other option was abortion. I didn’t want to kill or harm my unborn child. Even though it wasn’t doing anything inside of me, I loved it so much. My boyfriend dumped me after I told him that I was pregnant, but he agreed to help me with getting an abortion. When I went into the office, everyone was super nice to me. I cried while filling out the papers, and the nurse came over and said that to not think of giving it up and failing as a mother, but more as a gift to God. My baby can now look down upon me, and know that I am it’s mommy, and can’t wait for the day that they can see me and hug me for the first time. She hugged me, and led me to the back room. They put me on anesthesia, and in a matter of minutes, it was all over. The doctor said that I was 8 weeks along. Afterward,I felt like I made a good decision, but still had regret in the back of my mind. I kept thinking, “Was it a boy or girl? What would I have named it? I wonder if it would have blond or brown hair?” To everyone out there, abortion isn’t always the easiest thing to go through, but sometimes it is the only answer that is available. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. There are people out there that are there to help and want to talk to you. Trust me, you’ll be happy you did.

27 January 2011 0 Comments

Thank you.

by Tenell
Today I found these videos on MTV and at first I didn’t even know what to think. I had an abortion myself at 16 and for just over two years I have tried to hide the pain that came along with my decision. I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship with a boy who was unfaithful and was not there for me. If it was not for my family, I would not be here today. I did not want to have an abortion, but I was out of school at the time and I knew that down the road it would be the right decision. I went through with it and tried so hard to hide it from my life. Over the two years that followed, I was very sad and ashamed of what I did. Watching these videos makes me remember what I have been through and how strong I am today. Thank you for these videos, it feels very good to know that I am not alone and will never be. My mom and I have never been closer and I graduated from high school on time and now I am living for me with my current boyfriend, who is my best friend. He supports what I had to do and wouldn’t change me for anything, and after watching these videos, I know I wouldn’t change anything either. I think about what I had to go through everyday, but I know I made the right decision for me at that time. Thank you for reminding me that I am not a bad person and that I am not alone. Thank you.

27 January 2011 0 Comments

Big Love!

by OaklandLisa
You three made my day. Thank you so much. You bravely told your own stories, and did something important to help us all move forward to understand abortion as a parenting decision. hard, but sometimes right. Thank you.

27 January 2011 0 Comments

Thank You

by Kathryn
I am a huge advocate for women’s reproductive rights and have been for a long time. I have family and friends that feel the same way and yet, when I became unexpectedly pregnant I found it nearly impossible to talk to a single soul. The conversation of abortion is so stigmatized and concealed I felt scared to open up to people I knew would love and support me unconditionally anyway. Even when I was able to confide in my best friend, there was a void in her support, because she could not possibly relate to what I was going through, but I had no one to turn to that could. By appearing on “No Easy Decision,” you’ve filled that void; and though my decision was made long ago, there are girls out there you will face similar choices and you will be there for them. We are now connected in the most intimate of female experience and I am now here for you as you are for me; so thank you so very much. My deepest and most sincere appreciation goes out to you.

27 January 2011 0 Comments

Thank you Dr Drew

by Katy at 17 and Katy at 56

Hi…

I found myself in shock tonight, after watching the abortion topic show with Dr Drew. I wasn’t not in shock because of the topic, or the stance that was taken. I would expect nothing less of Dr Drew. He is making very brave changes for young women in the USA. Therefore, the topic of abortion did not surprise me…or at least, his choice to approach it openly, did not surprise me. I think more young women need to speak, and to be forgiven…by speaking. But, I realized tonight, that in order to speak..many of us need permission.

I was in shock to find myself, at the age of 56, sitting on my bed…with tears dripping down my face faster than I could wipe them. I don’t know if I ever cried about my abortion before this moment. I don’t think anyone gave me permission to feel what I really needed to feel…my truth, and not anyone elses. I was raised in a Southern Baptist family, in a very small Texas town. I acted out all of the craziness in my family, all of the pink elephants in the living room. I tried my best to spare my Mother of any heartache. I was so full of compassion as a teenager, but was very afraid to show my gentle side. I was too shut down. But, no one knew. I faked my feelings well. When I became pregnant at 17, I tried everything possible to ignore what was happening. Later, I tried beating on my stomach, and vinegar douches. None of my approaches worked. I couldn’t tell my Mother. I thought of death. It seemed easier. There was NO PLACE, NO PHONE NUMBER to turn to. I was so alone.

Mother’s seem to know what they know, in a mysterious way. She asked me if I was pregnant, and I did tell her the truth, mostly from shock that she was aware. She was a good women, but a tired woman. She didn’t want to be the wife of an alcoholic, have an overweight son, her firstborn daughter be a lesbian, and now her youngest pregnant at the age of 17. She ignored what hurt her. I couldn’t bare the thought of being ignored even more. . We were all just normal children…good, bright, loving, creative children. We loved one another very much, but we were not the children that she envisioned having. We were not perfect. We were wonderfully individual. I didn’t want to be a “bad child”. So, I cried for her…not me. “I’m sorry Mother…” I most have said a thousand times. I don’t recall being comforted throughout this experience…ever.

She gave me choices, appropriately. “I will support whatever decision you make. If you want to keep the child…we will help you. It will be very difficult, but if that is what you want, we will support you.’ I knew that meant “No.” Her voice seemed lighter when she suggested an abortion. I knew I could not give a child up to adoption, it was a forever choice in the early 1970′s. I picked abortion. In fact, I knew I wanted an abortion from the moment I realized I was pregnant. I just didn’t want to be hated for my choice. I didn’t want anyone to think I was an awful person to even consider this option. So, I waited to make sure that this was my Mother’s first choice, too. It was the popular vote. I lived in Texas at the time, and abortions were only legal in New York and California. What became of girls like me, girls that were normal, girls that were frightened, girls with a tired Mother, girls that lived in Texas? What did we do? I had just moved away from the abusive father of the pregnancy. I would never ask him for help. I knew that what was in front of me, was something that I would never forget. I knew I would be afraid. I knew I would be stoic. I knew I would be strong for everyone. I knew I would carry this for life.

I had never been on a plane before. I had never been to California. I had never stayed in a hotel alone. Now, I was going to do all of this in 24 hrs. I have a vague memory of purchasing my flight and abortion expense from a room at the Holiday Inn. It was $650. I recall telling my Mother that I would “pay her back”. I never did. I could never talk about it. There were times I had the money to give her, but I could not bring up the topic. I could not.

We were silent as we drove to the airport. She kept saying, “I don’t know how I will ever tell your Father”. I kept wondering why she had to. Why couldn’t she just protect me? As I boarded the plane, I saw about 75 other girls around my age. We all had a carry-on luggage, as that was what we instructed to do. We all had the same look on our faces. We all were empty. Once the plane landed, a man shouted, “I need all of the young women that flew here for care, to line up here please”. We did. I knew we were being stared at, but I couldn’t look. We all were taken to a hotel in a large van. No one spoke. No one. I had a roommate, but could not tell you one thing about her. I don’t recall much of the time in CA. I think my mind was protecting me from the fear I had. We were instructed to douche with Betadine. Someone brought all of the necessary items to our room. I had never douched before. Even this was difficult, frightening. I remember feeling as though I might faint, as I made my way from the shower, to bed.

The next morning, we all were taken to the clinic in the same big van. Some of the girls were crying. I was numb. I just stared out the window and remember thinking…”What will I tell people if they ask me if I have ever been to California?” Once we arrived, we were all given a number. That is how we were addressed…by A NUMBER. Everyone wore white. No one patted me on the shoulder. No one smiled. No one told me I would be fine in time. I thought I might die. I wondered how my family would find me if I did. How would they even know where to begin? After all, I was a big secret. Don’t we keep people a secret because we are ashamed of them?

I remember lying on the procedure table and my genital area being painted with Betadine. I wondered why they did not wait and do this after I was anesthetized. It seemed cruel, for some reason that I can’t explain. Then, an IV was inserted into my hand. The next memory I had was fighting to regain consciousness, in recovery. There were about 10 girls in one recovery room. Some were screaming, and some were crying. I was silent. As soon as we were able to drink orange juice and walk, we were loaded back into the same big van. I was fading in and out from the anesthesia. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to go home and face my Mother. I wish this plane could take me somewhere else…anywhere else”.

I don’t recall the drive home from the airport, or the days to follow. I do remember that my Father had no eye contact with me. My Mother was silent..even more silent than before. I felt so ugly and dirty. I wanted someone to hug me. I wanted to be held. But, we all lived in silence for a very long time, instead. I never told this story to my Mother. She died not knowing how my heart felt. I know she wished she knew a way to begin the conversation. I don’t blame her. We were both lost.

Dr Drew broke that silence for me tonight. Almost 40 years later, this soft spoken man, gave me permission to feel what I never felt before. Tears flowed for hours, as I kept wondering if I could speak to him on the phone. I had such an unbelievable desire to tell this man that he had reached even ME. I watched him tell the other women that they were OK…that they had a right to make this decision for themselves….that for many women, this is the best answer. I related best to the young woman that was in college at the time. I knew I wanted to go to college, and I did, and a baby might have prevented me from having the future that I dreamed of. I wanted to be a nurse. I am now a retired nurse. What these young women said, touched me in a way that I can’t even put into words. I was them…many years ago. I could feel their struggles, their determination, their need to be understood, their sadness, and as tears flowed…maybe even some shame that women seem to naturally assign to themselves. I had nothing to be ashamed of. I was a 17 year old, trying to make a good decision, for me and my family. I carried the burden for all of us. I thought I had made peace with this decision. I didn’t realize I had buried it so deep within myself. Dr Drew gave me permission to speak to…to speak to myself. Tonight, I told myself that I was a good girl. I would be just fine in time. I was loved. I was worthy of having a choice. I made a good choice. I was brave. I didn’t have to hide any longer…I wasn’t a secret.

Hours later my tears stopped. I walked to my computer to find Dr Drew. I wanted to tell him, “Thank you for setting me free”. He is a very brave man, and his bravery makes the journey of many young women so much kinder. His soft awareness of what the human spirit needs, reached me, even through the television. For the first time in 40 years, I was not afraid of this topic. I didn’t run. I didn’t turn the TV off. I listened. He is to be respected for his compassion and hard work. He is to be marveled for his insight.

I would like to close by saying, “NONE OF US LIKE THE IDEA OF ABORTION”. It isn’t as though we are heartless people that decide that an abortion will fix everything. It also does not mean that we are not Christians. I am and always have been. We don’t go into this decision lightly. We struggle until the decision is made. I remember being faced with about 4 lousy choices. I simply chose the least lousy of them all. I am so grateful that it is less frightening for the women of today. I am grateful that they are only a secret if they make the choice to be.

Thank you all…. Katy